Tales of the Parodyverse

Post By

CrazySugarFreakBoy!
Thu Sep 22, 2005 at 01:12:04 am EDT
Subject
The Midday News: Sequel to "The Morning News," starring Visionary, the Vermillion Vex and an extra-special never-seen-before guest character!
[ Reply ] [ New ] [ Email ] [ Print ] [ RSS ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]
Next In Thread >>

Visionary and Pricilla DuBois were finally about to make their way out of the mansion when they opened the front door and found their exit blocked by an unexpected quartet of arrivals. The trio of women and their male companion arguably might not have been any more unusual in appearance than any of the mansion’s regular residents, but their particular style of underdressed and unlikely physical attractiveness seemed a bit out of sync, even in a place that hosted so many spandex-suited superhumans. The trio of curvy, scantily-clad women – one black, one Asian and one Hispanic – flanked their muscular male companion, a tall, bald, bare-chested black man who resembled the larger, darker, meaner brother of John Shaft or Luke Cage. The towering man strode forward in his black leather pants and reached forward to jab Visionary in the chest with the shining silver top of his polished dark mahogany walking stick. “Are you Visionary?” he demanded in a loud, flat tone of voice, his facial expression and eyes unreadable behind his neatly-trimmed goatee and black-lensed wraparound shades.

“And … you would be … ?” Visionary ventured hesitantly, not wanting to lie and say “no” in front of Pricilla, but also not wanting to disclose his true identity just yet, just in case this imposing visitor intended to do him (or her) any harm.

“I’m Remington Ramrod, bitch!” he bellowed, more out of arrogance than any actual anger, before gesturing to the visibly submissive women who surrounded him. “And this is my most favored posse of fine-ass bitches: Mocha Cappuccino, Huni Lemun Ti and Tequila Sunrise. We were referred to this address by my esteemed colleague in the adult entertainment industry, Ms. Meggan Foxxx, with whom I have collaborated in such high-quality cinematic endeavors as ‘Rainbow Coalition Copulation 6’ and ‘Mature MILF Impaler 9.’ She informed me of the puritanical and racially prejudicial campaign that has been waged against your character in the mainstream media, and inquired as to whether I could lend my considerable aid to your humble cause.”

“So … let me see if I’ve got this straight,” Visionary groaned slowly, shutting his eyes tight and pinching the bridge of his nose. “CrazySugarFreakBoy’s! mother volunteers to do public relations duty on my behalf, and decides that the best way to rehabilitate my reputation in the press, against allegations that I’ve taken sexual advantage of my adolescent students, is by recruiting porn stars to defend me?”

“Well, he’s not just any porn star,” Pricilla pointed out with a barely suppressed smirk. “The Doc Johnson line of sex toys modeled their 15-inch-long ‘Malcolm X-Caliber’ vibrating CyberSkin dildo on an exact anatomically accurate replica of his … I mean, not that I own one, or anything,” her voice trailed off into sheepish silence.

“Ms. Foxxx explained to me that, historically speaking, you remain one of the relatively few practitioners of your rarefied profession to recognize the wisdom of opening yourself up to intimate relations with proud Nubian princesses and blossoming oriental flowers,” Remington interrupted, with his characteristically louder-than-conversational volume of delivery, before Visionary could register the full extent of Pricilla’s comments. “Most Wonder-bread superheroes only seem to want to hook up with Caucasian chicks. Not that I don’t care for well-built white women; indeed, I have devoted several direct-to-video productions to my appreciation of my vanilla-skinned sistas. However, both Meggan and I believe that you are being crucified by the libelatinous slanderizations of The Man, because of your broad-minded sexual embrace of all the colors and shades within the skin-tone spectrum. From what I hear, you’ve even tasted the ‘tang of Gamma-green gals, the one conquest that has eluded even my grasp.”

“Well … thank you, I suppose,” Visionary equivocated cautiously, while clasping Pricilla’s hand gently but firmly in his own, and gradually guiding her with him as he made an effort to edge toward the still-open door.

“To have seduced so many hues of honeys, you must truly possess a prodigious prong, especially for one whose complexion is so pale and pasty,” Remington magnanimously assessed. “And since you’re not R. Kelly, this would indicate to me that you have no need to prey upon such underaged lovelies, no matter how mature their proportions may well be. Not that I don’t care for barely legal beauties; indeed, I have devoted – but I digress. Visionary, to prove to the world that you’re enough of a stud to satisfy any adult lady, I’m offering you and your alabaster anaconda the opportunity to serve as the star performers in the inaugural volume of my newest interracial video series, ‘Supa Hos 4 Super Heroes.’ In fact, let’s take it for a test drive right now,” he decreed regally, clapping his hands in the air as a means of summoning. “Bitches! Have sex with my friend Visionary! I’m Remington Ramrod, bitch!”

“No, really, that’s okay,” Visionary declined hastily, no longer restraining his impulse to lunge for the exit and yank Pricilla’s arm in the process, even as Mocha Cappuccino, Huni Lemun Ti and Tequila Sunrise sidled up to him with obvious and all-too-friendly intentions, their smiles and swaying hips suddenly reminding him of the stalking approach of predators. “I have … things … to do, somewhere else, that’s not here.”

Remington cast his gaze up and down Pricilla’s form and nodded with a grin. “Fair enough. I ain’t gonna get in the way of a brutha lookin’ to get some play. Consider my invitation, though, and know that it extends to your fine-ass caramel-colored queen, there. Together, friend Visionary, we can break through all the boundaries of porn: Black and white, mutant and human, alien and earthman, even fake and real!”

“I’m real, dammit!” Visionary shouted over his shoulder as he left.


K-Box: Box in the Box



dialup-4.242.51.241.Dial1.Seattle1.Level3.net (4.242.51.241) U.S. Network
Microsoft Internet Explorer 6/Windows XP (0.6 points)
[ Reply ] [ New ] [ Email ] [ Print ] [ RSS ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]
Follow-Ups:

Echo™ v2.4 © 2003-2005 Powermad Software
Copyright © 2004-2005 by Mangacool Adventure